for James Gandolfini
I thought it time to put these words into practice:
Live life in the present.
I thought it right to dust off these tools
of moving day-to-day
before the insidious metabolisms of tiny,
ferrous creatures betray my tears
and bind themselves together,
as they are want to do,
in perfect communities
causing happiness to corrode
I took a moment then, a breath or two,
as much as I had strength to allow,
To live full-time in the present.
To leave the past’s brave fantasies
and the disfiguring mists
of the future alone
for a while. Letting them plot and
amongst themselves as best they can
Absent the encouraging fulcrum of my psyche.
And when I did there was this feeling
of fleeting prestidigitation. Fleeting only
because it could so easily be released.
The feeling alone was euphoric – and greater still
when I put my mind in play,
then all these things went amplified.
I told myself that at this moment
I was alive and in full health,
in full power of anything
possible or even not –
free from creeping thoughts of outstanding balances,
the claxoning collar of nagging ambition or impending deadlines.
There was this warming beneath my rib cage
which stretched outward from the center –
and a humming confederacy of joy
within me, in my vicinity and buzzing
through all the light and dark matter –
seen and not –
all around me.
| Juan-Paolo Perre