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Statement of Delinquent Account

Balance sheet:

Period beginning: September 2000

Period ending: May 2012

Days delinquent: -4561

You called.

I answered.

I realized that for the moment

I will never not answer

For if I don’t answer

You will leave a voicemail message.

A message that will last

As long as I let it.

Filled with your own particular,

Peculiarly alluring music.


As of this date

The accounts receivable department has received nothing.

Granted, you have never been invoiced

But you know what you owe.

I take great pride

In the products I offer my exclusive clientele.

Well…I try to most of the time –

In spite of fluctuating bouts

Of self-doubt, self-hatred and self-sabotage

Exacerbated by a Rubik’s cube-obsession to self-pathologize.


At this time

I am able to extend to you

A one-time offer towards the reduction of your debt

By 50%…


No.  …80%…


… … …

Never mind.

Consider your account

Charged off.



Don’t call.

© 2012 Juan-Paolo Perre